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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

As much as we want to believe in the fairy tale of long lasting love, the reality is that for most of us we will find ourselves in a relationship that is no longer heading in the right direction, so how can recognise that your relationship is on its last legs and once you have made the decision to leave, end it without causing too much harm.

Psychotherapist and relationship counsellor Melissa Ferrari will explore the signs that your relationship is in peril and if needed how you can exit as respectfully as possible, without causing too much trauma to someone you once loved.

Signs Of Trouble: The 4 Horseman Of The Apocalypse by Dr. John Gottman

  1. Criticism – starts to become personal, focusing on the person rather than the behaviour that you are unhappy with

  2. Defensiveness – as you refuse to take responsibility for any issue, instead make excuses and start blaming your partner

  3. Contempt – the home of the passive aggressive, as you show disrespect to your partner, such as rolling your eyes, or use humour to put your partner down

  4. Stonewalling – this is the ‘Biggy’ and the direction the other behaviour leads and if deliberately engage in non-responsive behaviour - then you are now over 90% likely to divorce

How To Break Up Respectfully:

  • Be clear in your decision to end the relationship and make sure you are not departing prematurely

  • If you are unsure seek help together through therapy as it will help the both of you to determine to end or stay together

  • Have trust that if you do leave your partner they will be able to take care of themselves, choosing to stay may in fact cause greater harm

  • Be honest with your partner as to the reason behind the breakup, limit their grief so they are not left wondering why you left

Break up’s are emotional, so be careful of the language you use and make it your goal to do the other person as little emotional harm as possible.

For more tips, daily quotes and information about love, dating, relationships and happiness visit my Facebook page Melissa Ferrari - Psychotherapist & Relationship Expert. Also available is information about couple therapy and how it can help your relationships.


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