And why you shouldn’t wait too long to attend.
One of the most common mistakes couples in crisis make is waiting until it is too late to seek help, says psychotherapist and relationship expert Melissa Ferrari.
“Couples wait an average of six unhappy years before seeking counselling. By then, built up resentment can become overwhelming and, in some cases, one person may have already given up. Relationship counselling can work, but ideally, it shouldn’t be a last minute resort,” Melissa explains.
Instead, Melissa encourages couples to regularly check in on the health of their relationship.
“We organise yearly health checks with doctors and dentists, so why shouldn’t we take our relationships just as seriously? Once a year, perhaps on your anniversary or during a special date night, take some time together to reflect on your relationship. Are you happy? What could you be doing more of? What could you be doing less of?
“Consider seeing a counsellor for guidance. Counselling can help address disagreements before they develop into bigger problems and may even help prevent a separation down the track.”
So, what are the signs that you might benefit from couples counselling? Melissa shares eight common relationship red flags.
1. You keep having the same arguments
Does your relationship sometimes feel like a version of Groundhog Day, and not in a good way? Perhaps you find yourselves having the same disagreements about the same issues over and over again.
Therapy can help you understand why these recurring issues keep happening and, importantly, help you find healthier ways to resolve them.
2. You’ve stopped being intimate
Can’t remember the last time you had sex, kissed or even held hands?
Physical intimacy can be an important reflection of how connected we feel within a relationship. Couples counselling can help uncover what may be contributing to a lack of physical closeness and help you begin rebuilding intimacy and connection.
3. You find fault in everything your partner does
Do you constantly criticise your partner for what they do or don’t do? Do you find yourself speaking negatively about them to friends or family?
Resentment can become incredibly damaging when it is allowed to build. Counselling can help both partners understand where that resentment is coming from and develop healthier ways of communicating, repairing and reconnecting.
4. You lead separate lives
Do you feel more like housemates than partners?
Over time, work, family responsibilities, stress and everyday life can leave couples feeling disconnected. A therapist can help you reconnect emotionally and romantically, and rediscover some of the qualities that brought you together in the first place.
5. You don’t trust your partner
Trust allows us to feel emotionally and physically safe within a relationship. When that trust is missing, whether because it has been broken or because one partner struggles with trust more generally, it can have a significant impact on the relationship.
Counselling can help you understand what has contributed to the loss of trust and work towards establishing or rebuilding it.
6. You have financial fights
Money can be a significant source of conflict within relationships, even for couples who are financially comfortable.
Our attitudes towards money are often influenced by deeply held beliefs, experiences and values. When two people approach finances differently, conflict can easily arise.
Relationship counselling can help you better understand each other’s perspectives and work towards healthier conversations and practical resolutions around money.
7. You feel like your partner doesn’t listen to you
Do you feel ignored, dismissed or unheard by your partner? Perhaps you feel as though you have said the same thing many times, but nothing changes.
Healthy communication is essential in a strong relationship, and it needs to work both ways. Couples counselling can help both partners develop better communication skills, learn how to listen to each other and express their needs more effectively.
8. You’re thinking about having an affair
Social media and technology have made it easier than ever to connect with other people. If you find yourself sending flirtatious messages to colleagues, friends or strangers, or seeking emotional or physical connection outside your relationship, it may be worth asking yourself why.
Couples therapy can provide a safe space to explore what you feel may be missing from your relationship and address those issues before boundaries are crossed.
You don’t have to wait until your relationship is in crisis to ask for help. Sometimes seeking support earlier can make it easier to understand each other, improve communication and strengthen your connection.
